I'd rather have chocolate

When I think of flowers, I think of moldy water. I feel wet teary eyes. I smell the intoxicating joy that jolts me with sadness. I see the bright vibrant colors that distract me for a moment, unfortunately they bring me back to the facts of life, flowers die just like everything else on this earth.

Once so full of life, stretched out to the sun, determined to accomplish their life purpose, to have just one person stop and look at them and maybe make someones day. 

And now they only bring  tears to my face.

I am a princess

I was two seconds from turing off the T.V. one night when this video caught me by surprise. 

I am a princess 

Flashing Lights

I believe there is one way to show who you are...

Take Pictures by yourself. 

It's time...to cry

I use to be annoyed by the tears that swept my cheeks.

Ashamed of my red face and how my eyes got so wet

my nose runny with snifflely noise

my face squished trying no let a word slip out

 Numbness called me and i returned to call it mine

 a  waste land with nothing to replenish

nothing to hide, no red face, no words

Fighting it for years,
 but i was dying, one storm
would be the only thing that could save

i would grow again

and find  strength of it would come

with words to say  i arose

 to find a new day.

And now i
hear the tick of the clock
 like clock work,
it calls me

 I know

It's time... to cry

 

 

My name is a definition

Scared·y-cat

  [skair-dee-kat] 
Karli Marie Rasmussen

You may not know that my name is in fact the definition of Scaredy Cat. 

If you don't believe me let me give one example. 

 For F.H.E (ya I am to lazy to say/write it)

We went to the lovely Corn Maze. I was the very nervous about attending this event.

 Because, well I don't am not always super stoked to walk around corn...is that weird?
 Also I always touch the corn and then it cuts me. 
 

But, I did in fact attend this event. And well we splurged and bought fancy tickets, which let us into the scary haunted corn mazes, houses and other spooky things. 

I am not a big fan of walking around and getting scared out of my wits which causes me to then PEE my pants, cry like a baby and of course scream BLOODY murder

My name is Karli and I am a scaredy cat! 

Is that so weird? I hate it, I dislike the speed my heart races at, how tight I have to hold my neighbors hand trust me it's not cute and romantic hand holding, it's I am literally going to rip off your hands if you don't get me out of here!

So because I am a scaredy cat, I did not embark on this lovely adventure. 
 

Oh what did I do??? I hung out with the kids,
 shot some hoops (I believe that is the phrase),

looked at the cute little shops, and pretended to be a princess. 

I am not ashamed that my name is a definition. 

p.s please don't steal my identity. 

p.s.s Don't make fun of me...that's RUDE

why you gotta be makin' fun of me

So I ride a scooter around campus, that's not lame it's awesome!

I feel like singing...

"The Church of Jesus Christ" 

I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I know who I am. I know God's plan. I'll follow him in faith.

I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ. I'll honor his name.

I'll do what is right; I'll follow his light.

His truth I will proclaim. 

Simple. Loving. True. Words.

 

 

Simple words.

List of Bliss

Things that I have done/doing that have made me happy!

1. I am reading a great book, The Help
2. I meditate for 5 minutes in the morning
3. I make cute lists :) like this one
4. I have a new roommate her name is Paisley
5. My smile muscles hurt a lot lately  
6. I now have $500 (If only, if only blog post)
7. I am true to myself
8. I love the gospel
9. I watched to Olympics the only time I watch sports 
10. I love everyone
11. I have ACCEPTED  the fact that I will never be able to pass the test to see if I am a real person on the internet. Example FFJJ#O0EEJAJ Tell me what you see? They are so squished together. I always get them wrong. But I am okay with that :) 
12. I love to write 
13. My sister bought me Frank Sinatra's collection
14. I love my life no matter what happens 
15. I am working hard to be a human. 

That is my list of Bliss. . .as of now

Love, 

Karli Marie 

p.s. This is like my old journal entries from when I was a kid. I am so glad I am still that same girl! 

I love you.

I love you. 

I see you 

standing there slightly shaking

 with a lean to the side. 

I feel you try and smile

And make light 

of your overgrown worry line.

I smell your determination 

the one that keeps you 

afloat. 

I taste 

 salt of the tears

that were never spoken. 

I hear the words 

that pound through your head 

after a comment that some mean kid said.

For I feel and hear and taste it all 

because you are not some stranger

no not  at all.

You are me

 these are my memories, 

my actions and my story. 

Now hear this 

I love you the most. 

I am not a walking book...I am Human

So I have been reading a lot of books lately in this month. And when I say a lot I mean, I have read four.Throughout reading these books I have realized my inner monologue.... I now have a live stream of my internal monologue. And what better place to share it then this blog!

If you don't know what an inner monologue here is the definition I found on Google... 

Internal monologue

• In literary criticism, stream of consciousness is a narrative mode that seeks to portray an individuals point of view by giving the written equivalent of the character's thought processes, either in a loose interior monologue, or in connection to his or her actions.

Wow that's the longest definition. Just to give you an idea of what this is, we will take this moment and the thoughts running through my head.

Oh Franky! I love you so much! I want pasta. Olive Garden. I should buy his albums. I can't help but smile.Man I just want to dance around the living room. Sinatra you've done it again. 

What is now My inner monologue. . . 

The world around us is made up of billions of people. Each of us have a story, something that defines us makes us different and unique from each other. Why? I found out recently that I can talk to just about anyone and somehow I am connected to them. Why are we all so different and yet, we are still connected? I easily forget that my story that has shaped me into who I am today.  On the quest of finding out who I truly am, I must revert back to my past to figure out my story. 

I have a story to tell, but I am afraid to tell it... 

Sharing a story can be a very personal thing. 
It's like Mmmk...here is my life on this silver platter. Please listen to it, you don't have to get back to me on that I already know it's a messy! 


I do not have a live stream of my inner monologue being played on a loud speaker as I walk down the street, what I have is better. This is where my love for writing  poetry and lyrics comes from. 


Even with lyrics and poetry, I get scared.
I don't know why, but it's like I am afraid to show the world that I am human! 
I am human, so why not express it through my words? 


I am not a walking book...I am Human 


Love,
Karli Marie 


p.s. Look out! There is going to be a whole lot of this human headed your way!!

"If only, if only"

“If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,/ "The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."/ While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,/ Crying to the moo-oo-oon,/ If only, If only.” -Louis Sachar, Holes

If only, if only I ... how many times do we say this to ourselves? 

If you don't believe me just look at my list :) 

If only, if only I

1. Had a smart phone.
2. Had a Macbook
3. Had $500 
4. Would pick up the guitar 
5. Was a cute blogger 
6. Had a new tail light  

Two facts about this list. 1) I don't have/do any of those things. 2) That whole list can and will be accomplished. Enough of the negativity :) "show me some positivity"!

If only, if only I ... would look at my life, I would see 

1. I have 2 beautiful sisters that love and support me
2. Have a passion 
3. Have true happiness
4. Have an amazing best friend and she is QWESOME
5. Have a healthy body 
6. A family that supports me

   You can't help what you don't have if you don't try so why don't you try!

Love,
          Karli Marie 



 

It's been a long time coming.

What have I been up to lately?? 

- I Finished my first year of college
-I am on SERVICE COUNCIL
-I have Cried
-I am now addicted to really good TV shows
- I Laughed
-I Smiled
-I read 2 books
-Went on 3 retreats
-Rode my bicycle
-I Frowned
-I Listened
-I Talked

I have Finished the Spring season and now...
 it's SUMMER!!! 

Powerful.

Sometimes you just need to hear these words...

Especially this one!!!! 

Love,
          Karli Marie

A stir in my soul...

HAPPY Valentine's DAY my LOVE!!!

It's February, and things have changed and things stayed the same. Amazing things that have happened this week so far.These events have been the spoons to set my soul in motion. 

1st The Grammy's, they always set a realistic prospective about accomplishing your dreams.

2nd IT is always WORTH IT!!! No matter what, pain, heart ache and confusion. It is ALWAYS worth it in the END.Even if the end isn't near.

  

3rd My soul has been stirred by music... but,I haven't had music moved me lately and then it hit me. It so beautiful and simplistic. 

Last night, I was trying to convince my body that it was okay to fall asleep, when I realized that my life is controlling me and I am not controlling it. I like patterns in my life something I can repeat. But, I am a very complex human as much as I like my structure, I like to throw myself off balance. In a way I test myself to see how much I truly can handle. I am a weird soul.Anyway... I realized that I am not in the place I want to be to work towards my dream besides,of course dreaming it. 

I then continued to think of how I can reschedule my time and life to throw a curve in my some what balanced and unbalanced life, so that I can accomplish my GOALS. So I decided that I need to start making sacrifices for the things I love 

"You will never truly love something unless you have sacrificed for it" 

I don't remember who said that but, it stuck with me. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I am proud of myself and what I have accomplished in my life but, I know I can do better, I can improve myself. 

Last night, with my tired brain,I thought YES!! I know how I can do this waking up earlier I can get enough sleep if I go to sleep at 10:30 and wake up at 5:30 and by doing so I can accomplish so much more in my day so I tried it today.. yep it didn't work out so well. So I will continue to attempt to wake up early...we will see what happens. 

If you any of you have any ideas about how I can better myself with my scheduling let me know. :)

Life is all about learning and we make sacrifices for the things we love. 

Love, 

      Karli Marie 

If you were wondering...lists are fancy

Well it is a New Semester in my life right now...truly I am in school and my Spring Semester started a week ago. I would describe my time with these words fun, new, painful exciting,stressful, sleepy, and now over. HAHAHA! Even though I made it through one week...tomorrow will be the start of a brand new week. GOOD LUCK!

Things that have changed since the last post.
-I had a wonderful Holiday.(Holiday makes me sound so fancy!)
-I am now in my 2nd semester of College.
-I learned how to change spark plugs in my car (Subaru Legacy '92 ) (if you were wondering)
-I am currently enrolled in a Ballet class Mon-Fri (aka the painful part of my week)
-I am now the proud owner of 3 different aroma therapy lotions :)
 (Energy,Stress Relief, and Sleepy time)
-I won an iPod
-I have a new camera (look forward to pictures)
-I started ready Ellen's book "Seriously...I am kidding" Seriously it's the funnest book.
-I am trying to find my voice.
-After one class of yoga I now have a dream of becoming a yoga instructor.

I just realized that my blog posts are lists :) Hahahaha you can thank my older sister for teaching me to love making lists.  <3

A new start to a new SEMESTER in not just school but in my life.
That is all for now but, there is much more to come!
Love,
         Karli Marie